By Burton Presberg, M.D.

For most of us the holidays are always a busy, stressful time. Whether we enjoy, dislike, or feel a mixture of both during this season obviously depends on many variables, such as previous holiday experiences, family composition, financial situation, and religious beliefs. Positive or negative, the holidays are a "lightning rod" for personal and family issues and feelings.

When cancer is added to the usual holiday stresses, the possibility is certainly there for things to become overwhelming. For many, particularly for those who are very ill or undergoing intensive treatment, attendance at holiday celebrations is simply not possible. Families may choose to skip traditional gatherings, or may choose to gather anyway, without the presence of the family member with cancer. Either way is difficult, but often gathering is preferable and services the purpose of allowing family members to be with and support each other during a difficult period.

In other situations, holiday plans may be possible, though they may need to be changed in some ways. Long distance travel may not be possible for the person with cancer. Lengthy family gatherings may be too exhausting, so a quiet room to rest in is important. The customary focus on food may not be appropriate if a family member is, for instance, undergoing chemotherapy and is very sensitive to smells.

Above all, be patient with yourself and your family during the holidays. While some of the material aspects and usual plans for the holidays may not be possible, hopefully there will be time for simply spending time with each other. And that is what the holidays are truly for.

A Few Tips:

For those with cancer:

• Be watchful of feelings of guilt. Your illness, not you, caused the necessity to alter holiday plans.

• Take care of yourself. More than ever, be mindful of an respect your level of fatigue. Eat and drink carefully.

• Be open to the small, special moments the holidays can bring.

  For family members:

• Plan early. Decide on what types of plans seem do-able or not do-able, and have a game plan worked out.

• Delegate to others. Maybe this is a good year to spend at a relative or friend's house instead of your own.

• Be open to the small, special moments, the holidays can bring.

  May peace be with you this holiday season.