My father has been diagnosed with prostate cancer and he has been getting conflicting opinions from different doctors about which treatment to have. He's having trouble making a decision now. I feel really anxious that he hasn't made up his mind, or that he might make a decision that I don't agree with.

Thanks for your question. What comes across very clearly is how difficult a struggle this has been for you. You raise a number of very important issues, some of which have been addressed in previous columns. Treatment choices are frequent confusing and overwhelming. This is particularly true in prostate cancer, where you are likely to receive different opinions from medical oncologists, radiation oncologists, surgeons, and urologists.

You are faced with different opinions, conflicting data, and an unclear course. Decisions are left to patient and family, which is how it should be, but it is understandable that, at times, you might wish for the old days when doctors told their patients what to do and choice was, for the most part, left out of the equation.

Understanding Your Role in the Decision-Making Process
On top of the treatment choice issue are the complications added by your family role. In some ways, the situation may be harder for you than it is for your father. It is not completely clear what your role in decision-making should be. This, obviously, depends on a lot of things. Clarifying your role may be helped by trying to answer some of the following questions:

• What role does your father want you to play?
• Has he asked you specifically for your input and opinion, or is this an unspoken expectation that you have placed on yourself?

If possible, I urge you to discuss this directly with your father. You can do this informally or formally, with a social worker, or other healthcare professional. A lot certainly depends on your particular family history regarding relationships and decision-making. Clearly, I'd like to know a lot more about your relationship with your father, as this could really help point toward an appropriate course of action. If not, it could at least help you understand and accept the difficult position you are in.

Support Your Father's Decisions
I was very struck by your worry about your father making a decision different from what you feel would be best for him. This really gets to the heart of the matter and bears further examination. It might actually help to imagine a scenario where this might happen and examine the feelings it brings up for you. There are certainly no guarantees and no "right" answers. In the end, what is important here is that your father is comfortable with his treatment choice. I urge you to work on shifting your role to being a supporter of your father's decision, whatever that may be, whether or not it matches your first choice.

Cancer is clearly a family issue. I wish you and your family well in this challenging process.