My wife has a Stage IV brain tumor (astrocytoma) and is having radiation therapy to shrink the tumor. The problem is that a lot of people tell us about other treatments, some of them are experimental. We appreciate their trying to give us advice, but we're not interested. How do we keep well-meaning friends from second-guessing what we're doing. They all seem more anxious than we are.

Thank you very much for your question. You have stated, in a very clear way, an issue faced by very many people going through cancer treatment. All of a sudden, advice seems to be coming from everywhere. Friends, relatives, even casual acquaintances, all have a strong opinion about what should be done. The stories they tell often begin to sound alike: "My neighbor's second cousin knew somebody whose cancer was miraculously cured by such and such experimental treatment...."

Second Guessing Your Decisions
The first important point is to accept that you may not be able to stop others from second-guessing your decisions. You rightly identify that your friends are both well-meaning and anxious. Understandably, they wish to help and hope the information and suggestions they provide will be the answer your wife needs. Second-guessing and providing advice (however outrageous that advice might be) are understandable human responses in a difficult situation.

How to respond to their suggestions.
The next step is to politely respond to their suggestions. I recommend simply telling the truth, just as you have in your question. Let them know that you and your wife appreciate their ideas, but that currently you are both satisfied with the treatment approach you are pursuing. You understand there are many different options, but at this point, at least, you are not interested in pursuing them. Hopeful, they will get a sense of your appreciation, but at the same time develop an understanding that you and your wife are satisfied with the current plan.

Channel their good intentions
In addition, you may be able to use their willingness to help in a way that is more helpful to you and your wife. Something like, "Thanks, but we've got the treatment part under control right now, but we sure could use some dinner tomorrow night, or someone to watch the kids for a few hours on Sunday." People often feel helpless in such a difficult situation and simply asking for more concrete help may provide them with a direction to focus their anxious energies and provide you with the needed basics that often fall by the wayside.

You may need to limit contact with some friends.
If all else fails, it may be necessary, in certain cases, to limit contact with friends. You and your wife need to take care of yourselves and if "help" from others is more stress than support, it may need to be limited. In other words, do what you can to acknowledge and shift your friends' efforts to being more helpful, but don't hit your head against the wall. Take care of yourselves. It may sound trite, but true friends will understand and respect you for it.

Best of luck.