Obtaining Information
It helps to learn all you can about what you are facing. This will make it easier to see the problem clearly and to manage your fears. When you don't have the facts you may exaggerate the negative and overlook the positive. Facts can improve your perspective; they empower you; and they show you what your options are . And almost always there are options.

A Positive Attitude Helps
If dealing with cancer is like "you're in a room without any way to get out," it helps to be on the lookout for a door or a window in that room. It's easier to cope if you think positive and this means looking for answers rather than giving up hope. It's believing that you have the resources within you to confront a challenging situation. Emphasize what you have going for you.

The Power of Humor
Life can be often comic. Welcome the opportunity to laugh. Laughter is a release for everyone; it allows people to let down their barriers and draw closer to one another. Sometimes it miraculously transforms pain into opportunity or challenge.

Good Communication Is Important
Good communication is telling other people how you feel in such a way that they understand you. Poor communication can create stress by creating misunderstandings. Learning to communicate helps to reduce stress. Good communication includes listening - don't assume you can read another person's mind. Use "I" statements when expressing your feelings, (I feel inadequate when you interrupt me versus "You shouldn't interrupt me") and look for something to agree with in what the other person said. Agree to disagree. Learn to recognize when you are becoming defensive, critical, sarcastic or martyred. Express your feelings clearly and calmly, allowing the other person to do the same.

One Step at a Time
Most problems become more manageable if you try to solve them one step at a time. This reduces your anxiety because it helps you feel more in control. Reward yourself for completing each small task with a rented move, a special dinner, a nap. Start with an overall strategy. Give yourself as much time as you need to adapt to the situation. Acknowledge the fear and the panic and realize that it's natural. The most efficient way to get everything done is to slow down and take one step at a time.

The Problem-solving Process
You must have some confidence that your problem can be solved, and that you can solve it, before you can take effective action. The very first step might be to silence the inner voice that whispers, "You can't do that." "You aren't smart enough." "It will never work." Watch out for people who may try to discourage you and tell them plainly how you want them to help you. Make a list of small goals - anything that you think would comfort you. Try these: * Listing Options, *Making An Action List, *Taking Action and *Dealing with Setbacks.

Managing Your Time
To avoid getting sidetracked from your goals it's important to make good use of time. Plan out your week. Keep a book calendar by the telephone. At the top of each page write down what you'd like to accomplish that week. Schedule appointments at times most convenient for you. Give yourself some freedom and flexibility. When you organize your time effectively you achieve a better balance between work and play. This improves your quality of life. You learn that you have some control over your life. You can make time for pleasant things to happen.

Reaching Out
If the words, "I need help" are hard for you, learn to ask! Self reliance can be carried too far. There are times when you can't get what you need - practically or emotionally - unless you are willing to turn to other people. It may be for as little as an hour or as long as several years. You may need one person or a network of support. The important thing is to recognize your needs and allow others to lighten your burden. Enlist your family and friends and ask your health care providers to provide you with community resources designed with your needs in mind. Don't confuse being "needy" with reaching out for help. It is not a sign of weakness.

Resolving Strained Relationships
Resolving strained relationships is one of the best things you can do for yourself. It lowers stress and it increases your quality of life. Some tools to help you with this goal are, empathy (seeing the conflict through the other person's eyes), compromise, and forgiveness. You can also ease a strained relationship by setting boundaries (time limits and avoiding "hot" topics), and by focus on the positive aspects of a strained relationship by remembering and sharing the happy times you once had. Don't carry expectations about the other person's behavior or feelings toward you or you will set yourself up for possible failure. The important things is to resolve your own feelings.

The Team Approach
Dealing with cancer is much easier if you have many sources of support - a team, as it were. This team might include your doctors, your nurses, a staff counselor, your family, your friends, a cancer support groups, and members of your church or temple. It is to your advantage to have as many people pulling for you as possible. Having a team not only ensures that your medical and support needs will be met but also helps to turn your mind away from yourself and makes your illness easier to endure. Also, no one team member has too much to do and members can turn to one another for support.

The Benefits of Counseling
A counselor can be a vital member of your support team. He or she can help you with depression, anxiety, issues of dependency, or even sexual problems that come about as a result of your illness. Short term therapy focuses on specific problems and you can see benefits more quickly than you might think. Many people resist the idea of therapy because they are afraid of being overwhelmed, or because they think it's shameful, or because they believe they should be able to solve their own problems. Professional therapists are trained to create a safe environment for expressing emotions and the rewards can be enormous.

Sometimes Compromise Is Best
Be gentle and patient with yourself. An overambitious coping program and a rigid determination to carry it out can do more harm than good. Unrealistic expectations create stress, like cutting out all sugar from your diet, rather than allowing yourself a treat once in a while. You can hurt yourself by trying to do too much too often or too perfectly. "It's better to do a little bit consistently," says physical therapist Nancy Heck, "than to expect yourself to do so much that you do nothing." Give yourself permission to be flexible.

Testing New Waters
One way to cope with cancer is to set new - even big- goals and dreams. This gives you a sense of purpose, something to focus on; it takes your attention off yourself and your problems. You discover new abilities and learn new skills, increasing your self-confidence. Starting new dreams can make you enjoy life more. A gardener who never plants a rosebush because he has heard how difficult it is to grow roses deprives himself of the very beauty he loves. Active coping means taking risks now and then. It means pushing yourself to overcome your insecurities and fears.

Setting Small Goals
Set for yourself small, specific goals. That small goal may be going to the library to look for a book on cancer, or it may be eating a nourishing meal or listening to a relaxation tape. A small goal is something to aim for. It motivates you to action, even if it is only in your thoughts. If you are not feeling well, small goals help you to concentrate on what you want to happen, what you plan to do. A small goal is something to look forward to.

Don't Forget Pleasure
Pleasure motivates. It gives you a reason to keep going, it makes the hard times easier, and it serves as a reward. Always try to meet your needs in a way that gives you the most pleasure. Exercise, for example, on a stationery bicycle may be boring. How about taking a swim or riding a real bike on a sunny afternoon, or taking a leisurely walk in your favorite neighborhood? Work on an option discovery list of things you can do to give yourself pleasure. Treat yourself to a trip to the zoo, buy yourself a magazine, call that one certain friend who always cheers you up. Use your imagination; see how many ideas you can come up with. How about writing poetry, building a model plane, making friends via ham radio or on the Internet? Make pleasure a top priority.